F is for Fundamentals on the Fourth
by Teacup of JAG
Summary: Fourth of July - Harm, Mac, and the Roberts' family. Fun, frustration, and fireworks?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a story I started last July based on the challenge lines on the HBX at the time. This would take place the summer at the end of Season 8 (No Paraguay, no Singer murder) Hope you enjoy!!

-----

This is nice. Lying calmly, stretched out over a cozy blanket, atop the not-too-firm, yet not soggy, ground. He was surrounded by stretches of green grass all around, although much of it was covered over by blankets, towels, and lawn chairs. Not that Harm saw any of that at the moment. Right now, he was letting his eyes remain closed, allowing himself to enjoy the simple opportunity to relax in the sunbeams beating down on him.

He, the Roberts family, and Mac had gathered on a field of a Virginia suburb for the Fourth of July activities. They had considered going to the National Mall for the big DC display of fireworks, but after weighing the pros and cons, they decided against it. From years past, they knew the crowds in DC could be unbearable. And while everything downtown was super exciting on the holiday, it could also be overwhelming for little AJ and a bit too strenuous for Harriet in her very pregnant state.

Bud and Harriet had wanted little AJ to have the whole 'picnic and fireworks experience' though, so Mac had suggested that they all go to this local Virginia festival and fireworks display that she had seen advertised.

It seemed like an ideal solution. Not to mention that it had the benefits of nearby community restaurants and buildings that offered respites from the heat and provided indoor bathrooms, both of which Harriet, with a baby squeezing on her bladder and frequent periods of feeling overheated, had been rather insistent upon.

For Harm, it was the invitation extended to him via telephone by none other than the Admiral's young namesake that brought him here this late afternoon to spend time with his friends and their family. In a way, they were really **_all_** family; he and Mac were AJ's godparents after all. He sighed, half in contentment, half in yearning for more.

Not long ago, Harm would have never thought of a family outing as his ideal way to spend the Fourth of July. But he was beginning to value family more and more these days. He kept imagining being with Mac, playing house with her. No, not playing. He wanted the real thing.

* * * * * * * *

While Harm was imagining what life would be like if he were married, the object of his fantasies was looking at him from her spot next to him on the blanket. As she sat up and reached for her bottle of water, she couldn't help the tug at the edges of her mouth, partly because Harm was a handsome sight with his long body stretched out.

He had his hands behind his head, inadvertently showing off his well-toned arm muscles. His white t-shirt, with the stars and stripes of the American flag inside the word, Navy, across his chest, clung to his slightly sweat-covered form. Indulging in her favorite eye-candy, especially while he had his eyes closed so as not to notice, was definitely enough to make her smile.

But she was also amused by the expression on his face. She wondered what he was thinking about to cause him to grin in a way akin to the Cheshire Cat.

* * * * * * * *

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Harm registered the fact that he probably looked like an idiot, smiling to himself while he was supposed to be resting. AJ had been given specific instructions to let his godfather relax in peace after their earlier session of horseplay and running around.

At first, Harm had just laid himself down and closed his eyes to merely play along with Harriet's orders. But once he settled, he found it rather comfortable, and he didn't object to spending time with the pictures that his minds eye was conjuring up.

Besides, if his eyes were open, he knew where they'd be targeted. The same place his eyes had been wandering all afternoon -- to the woman next to him. Sarah MacKenzie. He figured this was a good opportunity to cut down the amount of time that day that he was **_actually_** staring at her. He didn't want her to catch him doing that too much. But it was difficult, because she looked **_extra_** wonderful today and very relaxed in her casual apparel.

She had been wearing an eye-catching, red, button-down shirt over her jean shorts. But it was when she opted to take that over-shirt off, explaining that she wanted to catch a little sun, that Harm really struggled to keep his eyes on anything other than her. Her smooth, tan skin looked so inviting, as it shone in contrast to the bright white, flag-adorned tank-top she wore. It fit her snuggly enough to let him appreciate the assets of her figure.

He had been struggling all day to pay attention to anything but her. Harm couldn't deny anymore, at least to himself, how much he wanted her, and not just physically. Somewhere along the line, he had fallen very deeply in love with her. He wanted to be with her and share everything a man and woman could share.

Would it ever happen? There was less than a year until their baby deal now.

She had made fun of him earlier that year when he had nervously asked if she wanted to move up the timeline. He thought he had good reason to ask her, considering that she had mistakenly referred to AJs **_fifth_** birthday being this year, instead of his _fourth_ birthday, which it actually was.

It was unlike her to mix up that kind of thing. But she had assured him that it was just a meaningless mistake on her part; it wasn't a Freudian slip.

In truth, Harm had been disappointed that, back then, she had** _not_** wanted to up the timetable and join the 'pregnancy club,' as she had referred to it. He was beginning to think that sometimes he heard Mac's biological clock ticking for her. Maybe that was because, in his mind, her clock was his clock too. He wanted them to have children _together_. She hadn't told him to forget the deal, so he figured there was still hope to have a baby with her, albeit, there were a lot of details to work out.

He let his mind come back to the present. By allowing his heavy lids to stay shut though, his eyes remained useless. So he let his other senses work in their own fashion, functioning at a noticeably higher level without the distractions of the overabundant sights that normally dominated his brain.

With his senses focused, he acknowledged the light breeze which would occasionally brush lightly over his skin like a lover's tender caress. He, of course, secretly wished that Mac would one day touch him like that. Although, he imagined that her touch would have the opposite effect than that of the cooling wind. Her fingers were bound to send sparks of heat through his body. He smiled again at that thought.

All he could hear at the moment were a few birds calling to each other and the indistinct murmuring of the crowd of people gathered on the field. But even those sounds, as background noise, seemed to lull him further into a state of restfulness.

Occasionally, he caught a whiff of a hot dog or pizza that someone had bought, or even a hint of tuna fish from someone's homemade picnic. But mostly, it was Mac's light perfume that delighted his olfactory sense. It was good to have her near. Her mere presence was comforting to him.

With the warm sun beating down, baking the restless energy right out of him, it was with pleasant thoughts and feelings that Harm was slipping off into a nice, semi-conscious state of relaxation. Sleep was beginning to gently overtake him as he was lulled by all these peaceful ...

**BANG!!!! POP!!!! SQUEAL!!! BANG!!!! BANG!!!**

Harm startled, sitting up quickly, before he realized the source of the sound.

"Son of a bittttt-ter woman!" he corrected his exclamation, remembering the presence of his godson.

After a brief moment, Harm apologized to Bud, who currently had AJ on his lap in a lawn chair. "Sorry. It's just ... jeez. Scared the living daylights out of me. Have you ever had your heart stop?" Harm dramatically put his hand over his chest for effect.

Surprising Harm, who was simply expressing his shock and not looking for an answer, Bud replied, "Yes, sir."

"Well, ... then you know how it feels," Harm awkwardly fumbled, trying to make his point.

"Actually, since I was unconscious at the time, I really don't," answered Bud with all seriousness.

Oh Bud's accident. Landmine. Lost leg. Flat-lining. Harm felt like a heel.

"I'm sorry, Bud."

Bud subconsciously squeezed his son a little tighter in a hug. He didn't remember that it was his connection to little AJ that helped re-start his heart, but his heart itself knew.

"It's okay, sir. ... I know what you meant." Bud offered a small smile. "I think the fireworks startled us all."

"Fireworks starts with F," announced little AJ proudly.

"That's right," Bud reinforced.

"Good job," Mac added.

It was a game that AJ liked to play; he loved it when someone said a word and he could identify what letter it began with. Sometimes, he would focus on a certain letter of the alphabet for a few hours at a time and name all kinds of things that began with that letter.

"You know what else starts with F?" Harm began. "Forbidden. As in setting off fireworks like those kids did just now is _forbidden _because it's unsafe, inconsiderate, and illegal."

Mac laughed at Harm's reaction. Not because he was wrong, but because of how his attitude made him sound like a grumpy old man. She sensed that he was really just embarrassed at his own reaction and taking it out on the group of boys who were probably not doing anything worse than Harm himself did at that age.

"What?" Harm objected to her amusement and elaborated on his point, "Scaring everyone like that, and who knows who could have been hurt. Or here's another F for the _fire_ that they could have started."

"How about F for the _foul_ mood that someone is in?" Mac teased Harm about his sudden bout of complaining.

"I'm not in a foul mood."

"Oh, you're always this _fractious_ when someone wakes you up?" Mac teased.

Quickly readjusting his attitude, Harm gave her a small smile. But he still lightly grumbled, "Just wondering where the _fuzz_ is when you need them."

"Why do you need fuzz?" asked AJ. Fuzz was that stuff on the outside of peaches. Or it was the little pieces of lint from blankets that sometimes got in his mouth and made him want to spit. He had no idea why someone would _want_ it.

Harm momentarily froze, not knowing how to answer. Fuzz wasn't exactly a term that he wanted AJ using to refer to the police, as he, himself, had just done.

"Uh, those warm, _fuzzy_ feelings I was having before the loud noise startled me. I need them back so I can continue to enjoy my day here with you." Harm affectionately tugged on AJs right foot, which was dangling from Bud's lap.

Harms answer satisfied AJ, and the action spurred the boy to declare, "That's my foot, Uncle Harm. _Foot_ begins with F, too!"

"It sure does, buddy," Harm agreed.

"Daddy has a fake foot," the toddler informed Harm.

The Commander looked up at Bud to help gauge how to react to AJ's declaration. He didn't want to make Bud feel uncomfortable.

But Bud smiled and eagerly added, "Fake foot. Thats **_two_** Fs!"

In sing-song fashion, AJ echoed his father. "**F**ake **f**oot. **F**ake **f**oot." He giggled at the sound.

"Hey, you know what, AJ?" Mac asked. "There are a lot of things about the Fourth of July that begin with the letter F."

"Fourth!" said AJ.

"Very good," Mac told him. "And how about **_f_**_reedom_? That's what we are celebrating today."

"Uh-huh," the boy agreed.

Harriet got involved from where she was seated in a chair next to Bud's.

"How about what the little girl over there is holding?" she asked her son, pointing to a cute toddler who was wearing a red and white dress and waiving the patriotic freebie that someone had given her.

"That's a **_f_**_lag_!"

"Right! Very good!" his mom praised him.

Harm pointed up to another flag that was raised up high on a pole. "How about that flag up there? What's it doing?"

AJ squished his face up, not sure what the appropriate answer was. The flag was just there; it wasn't _doing_ anything.

"Come on," Harm encouraged him. "The wind is catching it, and it's ..." he waited for AJ to finish.

"Blowing!" AJ finally stated, excited that he understood Harm's clue about the wind.

Harm frowned. "It **_is_** blowing, but that doesn't start with F. Come on, there's another word."

AJ fidgeted and looked up to his mom for help. But it was Mac who offered the next clue.

"Something that rhymes with mapping," she suggested.

The boy furrowed his eyebrows. Fapping, didn't sound right.

Ignoring Harms displeased glare at her, Mac added, "When something goes back and forth and makes a whishing sound, it's **_fll_**_ll ..."_

"Flapping!" AJ figured out.

"Yea!" Mac clapped.

"That's not the word I was going for," Harm criticized Mac for hijacking his clue.

"But it was correct," she argued. "What word were you thinking of?"

Harm looked away from her and up at his godson. "What does Uncle Harm do in a plane?"

"Flies!"

"That's right. And just like I fly in a plane, that flag is up there **_f_**_lying_ in the wind."

"Figures you'd come up with that word," Mac said, rolling her eyes at Harm.

**"F**igures begins with F," said AJ, even though he didn't understand its meaning exactly.

"Yes it does, AJ," his father told him. "But since we were talking about words that have to do with today, I thought of someone's name. He's a man we mentioned the other day when we were talking about going on a trip to Philadelphia someday after the baby gets bigger."

AJ was listening carefully for clues about words with the letter F, so he right away mentioned, "Fildelfia!! That begins with F!"

The other grownups giggled, but Bud was flustered about how to explain that the same sound could be made with a combination of letters instead of F.

Harriet jumped in, "You're right, AJ, that Philadelphia begins with the F sound. But it's a special word. Remember how we talked about S-H together making a shh sound?"

AJ nodded.

"Well, when P-H are together, they make a sound like an F," she explained.

Her son tilted his head. "Why not just use F?"

Harm laughed. "That's a very good question, AJ. And scholars might have opted to replace the PH with F years ago, except that most of them feel that the added initial in their degree makes them extra special."

The comment was, of course, not for his godson to understand, but the adults chuckled at Harms PhD joke.

Mac wanted to give Bud the opportunity to get back to the name that he had been thinking of. "Bud, you were mentioning someone whose name begins with F?"

"Uh, yeah. His picture is on money, and he was very influential in the Revolution and the creation of the Declaration of Independence."

Harm noticed from the corner of his eyes that Mac's face had twitched ever so slightly at the mention of the historic document. Well, not everyone had an uncle who had stolen the thing.

But Harm was kind of glad that her Uncle Matt had taken such a well-intentioned, but misguided step. Not that he wanted the man to be in Leavenworth, but investigating that case had brought Mac to first work with Harm at JAG Headquarters.

Harm smiled as he remembered back then. Mac had tried so very hard to keep up her tough exterior back when they first met. She wouldn't let him get away with anything. Not that she let Harm get away with very much now, but over the years their sparring had become more teasing, more like foreplay.

Whoa. _Foreplay? _Had he really just thought that? Okay, that was one word beginning with F that he was going to keep to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Harm's thoughts returned to the discussion around him when, given enough clues, AJ filled in that the person with a connection to Independence Day and whose name began with F was "Benjamin **F**wanklin!"

"Ooh, I've got a double for today," Mac contributed. "**_F_**_ounding **f**athers."_

"What, you think you get extra points for that?" Harm asked her playfully.

"You bet. Two Fs **_and_** it connects with the holiday," she pointed out.

"I can do that." Harm was not going to let her best him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Sure. **_F_**_riends_ and **_f_**_amily_."

Mac gave him a doubtful glare, but Harm defended his answer. "Look around; it's part of what today is about."

"He does have a point, ma'am," Bud admitted to Mac.

"Well, if that counts, then I get points for **_f_**_inger **f**ood_," Mac stated triumphantly, grabbing another half sandwich and a baby carrot from the cooler they had brought.

Harm simply gave her one of his exasperated looks.

"I wanna carrot," AJ requested, hopping off of his fathers lap.

"AJ," his mother reminded him, "ask nicely."

The boy smiled sweetly at Mac. "I wanna carrot, pleeeease."

It wasn't exactly asking, but it would do.

"Here you go." Mac handed AJ the vegetable.

"At least someone is learning how to eat healthy," commented Harm.

Mac knew that was a barb at her, and she waved her half eaten carrot in front of him. "I eat healthy."

He rolled his eyes at her meager evidence. "You want to pass me a piece of **_f_**_resh_ **_f_**_ruit_ from the cooler?" he asked her.

"Sure." She reopened the bin next to her. "What kind?"

"Umm, a plum, if there are any left."

"Heads up." She tossed a plum at him, which he caught. "It's the last one," she informed him.

"Anyone else interested in it?" he asked politely.

AJ spoke up immediately. "Me!! I like plums!"

"Okay, then you have it," Harm insisted.

"Are you sure, sir?" Harriet asked. "He doesn't need it."

"I'm sure. Gotta encourage healthy habits."

"But I don't want it **_yet_**," AJ decided, handing the fruit back to Mac to return to the cooler. The little guy was busy with his carrot.

"Harm, did you want something else instead?" Mac asked, while she had the ice chest open.

"Uh, nah. Maybe Ill just hold off for a little bit."

Harriet, just then, noticed that her son was sniffling. "Oh, AJ, come here," she requested. "Your nose is running; let's wipe that."

She grabbed a napkin and took care of it.

"There you go."

Harm couldnt resist having some fun with his godson. "Hey, AJ, do your _feet_ smell?"

The boy looked puzzled, but then indignantly told Harm, "No!"

"Are you sure?" Harm persisted, sitting farther up. "Because, you know, if your nose is _running_ and your feet _smell_, then you must be built upside-down."

AJ now glared at his godfather as if the man was insane.

Grabbing the boy close to him and tussling his hair, Harm explained his joke, "Because normally, peoples _noses_ smell and their _feet_ are running.

There was laughter from the boy now, but that might have been because Harm was playfully poking him.

"So, are you built upside-down?" Harm asked.

Through the giggles, AJ managed to squeal, "No!"

"Let's check." Harm stood up with AJ in his arms and proceeded to flip the boy over, so that the four-year-old dangled upside-down. The boy was clearly enjoying this physical play almost as much as the Naval Commander. "Is this the way you should go?" Harm asked, facetiously.

The boy merely laughed with delight and swung his arms in circles, relishing the new direction that gravity pulled them.

"Aunt Mac, you're upside-down."

"I am?"

"Uh-huh. And you look funny!"

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. And _funny_ starts with F!"

"I bet the whole world looks _funny_, since it all seems _flipped_ to you right now," Mac said to him.

AJ laughed. "Yeah!! Everything looks weally weiud." AJ was generally getting better with his r sounds, but now was clearly not a time he was conscious about it.

"Alright, enough of this." Harm began to gently lower AJ, mindful of the boy's head and neck. But once AJ's back was on the ground, Harm playfully let his godson's legs fall.

"Gee, you're getting heavy, AJ," Harm teased him. Dropping to his hands and knees, Harm hovered over the boy and good-humoredly accused him, "You've been growing again, haven't you?"

"Yep, I'm a big boy!"

"Yes, you are," Mac told him. "And you're going to be a **_big_ **brother very soon."

"You're growing up fast," Harm agreed.

"That begins with F, too," said AJ.

"Yes, fast begins with F," Harm agreed. "Very good."

**_"F_**_irst-rate_!" AJ corrected.

As Harm wondered where AJ picked up that phrase, he pretended to tickle AJ, which he learned long ago had the desired effect of making Bud's child giggle. Laughing along with him, when AJ tried to tickle him too, Harm scooped the boy up and rolled over onto his back. This left AJ atop of him.

Over the squirming boy, Harm could see that Harriet had gotten herself up off of her chair.

She addressed her son, "Okay my **_f_**_irst-rate_ little man. Mommy has to use the **_f_**_acilities_. How about you try to use the potty too?"

AJ considered it and decided it was probably a good idea. "Okay."

Bud stood as well. "We'll make it a **_f_**_amily_ trip." Addressing Harm and Mac, he assured them, "We'll be back soon."

"Maybe not too soon," Harriet announced. "I'd like to enjoy some air conditioning or at least some **_f_**_ans_ to cool me down for a bit."

"Find yourself a **_f_**_ridge_ and enjoy for as long as you want. We'll be here," Mac answered.

The Roberts family headed off, AJ _firmly _holding his mother's hand.

* * *

"You do look funny."

"What?" Mac asked. Harm's remark had surprised her.

"Upside-down." Since he was left lying face up, Harm tilted his head back, making Mac appear topsy-turvy to him.

"You know," she told him, "it's really only cute coming from a **_f_**_our_-year-old."

"Don't get all **_f_**_eisty_," Harm told her. "I'm simply saying that that no matter what or who you _focus_ on, _from_ this angle, everything looks odd."

"I'll take your word for it."

"What, you don't want me to hold you upside-down like I did AJ?" he teased, punctuating the remark with a smile that had his tongue peeking out between his teeth.

"No, thank you," Mac politely declined. "You have a habit of turning my world upside-down as it is, and that's never a good thing."

Harm rolled himself over on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows to look at her. "Never?"

"Have you ever had your life turned upside-down?" It was a rhetorical question to make her point, but he answered.

"On more than one occasion. You know that."

"Yeah, and, just like in my life, they were all traumatic events."

Harm sat up and moved closer to Mac on the blanket. "How have I turned your life upside-down? In a bad way."

"Is there a good way?"

He considered that for a moment. "Yes. When you joined the Marine Corps, you turned your life around. That was **_very_** good."

"That wasn't some outside _force _turning my life upside-down. That was me, with Uncle Matts help, drying out and working hard to make my life better. My life before that wasn't right-side-up to begin with."

A distant and sad expression overtook her face. "And anyhow, Eddy's death was arguably what really turned my life upside-down that time, and that **_was_** very traumatic even if it was what I needed to dry out."

"I'm sorry, Mac, I didnt mean to bring up ..."

"Fatalities? _Failures_? _Flubs_?" Her lips turned up just slightly, to let Harm know that she wasn't upset. She shook her head. "It's not your _fault_."

Harm returned her small smile, glad that he hadn't dampened her mood so much that she couldn't have fun with him. Even if it was a silly game started by a four-year-old.

_"Forgive_ me?" he requested.

She shrugged. "There's nothing to forgive," she dismissed.

"Isn't there? When have I turned your world upside-down?" He honestly wanted to know if and when he had negatively impacted her life as she had implied that he had.


	3. Chapter 3

Mac didn't want to answer, but finally came up with, "Crashing an **_F_**-14 in the Atlantic comes to mind."

Harm grimaced. "I guess I wrecked your _festivities_ and wedding plans that night with my _fortuitous_ _flying_ problems."

Mac sighed. "I suppose it was _fortunate_ in an odd way. I mean, it did give me the extra time to label yet another relationship as a complete _failure_ ... at least **_before_** that relationship became _finalized_."

"Maybe my _fall_ into the ocean was _fate_," Harm suggested. "To_ forestall_ that mistake."

Mac frowned. "If it was, then _fate_ could have _found_ a way that didn't involve you nearly _freezing_ to death in the ocean."

"It was a bit _frigid_," he admitted with a chuckle.

Noting the way Mac's head hung, Harm appreciatively nudged her. "But you saved me. You _focused_ that sixth sense of yours and _figured_ out where I was."

"What if I hadn't? What if they hadn't been able to _fish_ you out in time?"

Harm looked at her and realized how much that event, and who knows what else he had done in his life, really _had_ impacted her and caused her pain. He somehow guessed that his dip in the ocean wasn't anywhere near the worst example she could come up with.

But he wanted to cheer her up, not remind her of hard times.

"Okay, no more _frightful_ memories," he insisted. "_From_ now on, when I turn your life upside-down, it will only be in a good way. No trauma."

"I don't think that's _feasible_."

"You don't think I can _foster_ a positive change in your life?"

"I didn't say that," she disagreed. "Making changes is one thing. Turning a world upside-down has to be more _far-reaching_ and drastic."

"It sounds like you are challenging me to accomplish this_ feat_."

Mac shook her head. "**_No_**." Her response was adamant. "I don't want you _fiddling_ around with my life and messing things up."

"Is your life _fully_ right-side-up now? Is it completely _flawless_?"

"It's _fine_," she insisted.

"But with some _finagling_, I could make things better." His mouth was getting the better of his brain, because if he stopped to think about it, Harm didn't have a clue as to what he could do to accomplish that.

"I don't want things turned around and _fouled_ up," she insisted. "There are _finally_ a lot of _good_ things in my life, and I don't want to _forfeit_ what I have."

"Having something significantly impact your life doesn't mean that you have to lose everything that is already _first-class_ in your world," Harm pointed out. "It doesn't mean your current plans have to be _foiled_."

He added, as an example, "Think about people who win a _fortune_ in the lottery. Their lives might have been _fine_ before, but now things are better. I just want to make something better."

"And money is great," Mac agreed, "but you're _forgetting_ that too much of a _financial_ treasure can actually be a big, _fat_ obstacle to _finding_ happiness. Sometimes, people who win the lottery actually become more _forlorn_ than ever."

"You don't have to _fret_, then," Harm smiled at her. "Any _form_ of treasure I have stocked up is simply a _figment_ of my imagination."

Mac laughed. "Oh, I don't know. You coming into a great deal of money might not be entirely _fabulation_ on your part. After all, _Frank_ is _filthy_ rich, isn't he?"

_"Frank's funds_ are not mine, and," he pointed accusingly at her, "you are trying to change the subject, getting into all this _fiscal_ stuff and my step-_father_. We're talking about what I'm going to do **_for_** you."

She sighed again. "I don't suppose you're willing to _forego_ this idea?"

"I _firmly_ intend to _find_ a way to positively change your _future_."

"You're going to try to do something that is going to _fundamentally_ impact my life?" Mac asked for confirmation, partly hoping that Harm would back down on the idea.

"Yes."

"So, I should start planning my _funeral_?" she joked.

"I'm serious, here," Harm insisted. "Only good things. You won't even need _first-aid_."

"Why doesn't that stop my _fretful feelings_ over whatever plans you're _formulating_?"

His response was merely a charming grin.

She shook her head in wonder. What had she gotten herself into? "Just give me adequate warning, okay?"

"Consider yourself _forewarned_ ... immediately."

She eyed him warily. "Now may not be the best ..."

_"First_," Harm went on undeterred, "let me clarify that, although you do look _funny_ upside-down, so does everyone. And, as a matter of _fact_, you are looking very _fine_ today." He swallowed. "Very _feminine_ and desirable." His look was truly one of serious adoration, but his grin came full force, with his next light-hearted comment. "Of course, you make even _fatigues_ look good."

Mac arched her eyebrows. "Thank you, ... I think."

She tried to ignore the sudden extra-smooth tone to his voice and the effect that it was having on her.

"But **_flattery_**," she insisted, "even if it is rare coming from you, hardly counts as turning my world upside-down."

"That wasn't flattery," he told her.

He was bubbling with determination, and there was an inexplicable fire burning inside of him, spurring him on. "And as far as _flipping_ your world _... Fasten_ your seatbelt, Marine, cause I'm just getting _fired_ up."

Mac found that her anxiety level was increasing regarding whatever he had planned. There was a look in his eyes that threatened to devour something deep within her. "Harm, this probably isn't the place for ..."

But her protest went no further. His lips met hers and, in that moment, the _flames_ burning in him ignited in a _flashover_, completely consuming them both in a heat of passion.

Resistance was _futile_. Mac had lasted less than a second before _fully_ reciprocating in this mind-blowing experience, this _fulfillment_ of one of her most _frequent_ _fantasies_.

But they did not _further_ the kiss too _far_. They were in the middle of a _family_ event after all, and they both knew it. So, by mutual accord, they _finished_ the kiss just before it would get out of hand, before any _feral_ urges within them could take hold.

Macs eyes shown with wonder, similar to the way they had after their kiss on the Admiral's porch, but this time without the sadness of being committed to another man. This time, there were no feelings of loss for what could have been, no feelings of desperation or guilt to dampen the sparks between them.

They stared at each other in a daze for a long time, but Mac finally recovered enough to speak, and she tried to put things in perspective. She forced her brain to remind herself that he was _just_ playing a game with her, even if every other part of her felt otherwise.

"That was ... um ... a good attempt," she acknowledged. "But a kiss, ... no matter how nice it might have been ..."

"Nice?" He was clearly looking for a better descriptor.

She smiled a little. "_Fantastic_. But even a **_fantastic_ **kiss like that one, ... isn't life altering."

Harm's eyes _flashed_, obviously wanting to contradict her statement.

"Unless it means something more," she quietly added.

"That kiss wasn't meaningful?"

"Was it?" she asked, daring to hope that his intent was more than just to satisfy a challenge.

Harm knew that she wasn't being flippant, but merely trying to ascertain what he had meant by the action.

Struck by some unknown _force_, after seeing the _fleck_ of hope in her eyes, the next words simply tumbled out of Harm's mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

"Marry me."

Mac's heart skipped a beat only to return to its duty, pounding with a vengeance. "What?"

"Marry me."

Her stomach dropped. It wasn't that she was against the idea, but surely, he wasn't serious. And he should not joke about such things. "That's not _funny_."

"I'm not trying to be funny."

She wasn't sure she believed that, and she quickly pointed out, "Well, marriage is an awfully extreme ..." she floundered for a word, "_factor_ to use in what's just an attempt at winning some **_f_**_luke_ of a challenge!"

**_"Forget_** the challenge," he insisted.

She ignored his last comment. It was better that she not let him yank her around like this. She dismissively admonished him, "You know, a **_facile_** statement like that doesn't count anyway."

"I meant it." He was surprised at himself. This certainly wasn't planned, but he _did_ mean it. "That wasn't a super-_ficial_ proposal, Mac. ... Marry me."

Mac searched his eyes and came to the conclusion that he really wasn't kidding around with her.

Her response was to reach over and place the inside of her wrist on the brow of his head.

"What are you doing?" he asked, backing his head away.

"Checking your _forehead_ for a _fever_," she honestly replied, returning her wrist to his head. "I think you spent too much time in the sun today, because it sounds like you've lost your _faculties_."

"I'm not _feverish_." He removed her wrist from him, but held onto her hand. "And you don't need to call the _funny farm_. ... I know this is ... _fast_ in a way."

_"Fast_? ... It's ... zero to mach _five_ in _fewer_ than _four_ seconds!"

"You're _floored_," he observed, ever the master of the understatement.

"I'm _flustered_." Despite what he meant to her, Mac had to be reasonable. "Harm, there's no _foundation_ for a marriage between us. ... At least, not right now."

That she loved him was besides the fact; this was coming from nowhere. "I can hardly _fathom_ how the idea popped into that _fruity_ brain of yours, considering that we've never been more than just _friends_."

"We've always been more than **_just_** friends, Mac. You've said so yourself. ... You as much as admitted that you'd considered the possibility that ..." Harm didn't quite know how to phrase the rest.

Mac picked up the opening. "The possibility of a **_fledgling_** romance that _might_ have **_formed_** into something more, yes. In case you **_forgot_**," she jabbed her pointer finger into his chest, "you weren't interested."

"I was always interested," he countered. "I was just ... _frightened_."

She studied his face, trying to read him. He seemed like such a vulnerable little boy at the moment. She had so many questions, but she settled for gently asking, "So, ... what's changed?"

Harm shrugged timidly. "The timing, I guess."

"Timing?" she repeated.

With a sudden spark of rationale which gave him more confidence, Harm built up his case, punctuating each word with F to make him feel like he was gaining the upper hand again.

"Well, we do have our **_f_**_ive_-year-plan to consider. Our deal to go halves on a baby comes to **_f_**_ruition_ in less than a year now. I think we ought to start ... getting **_f_**_amiliar_ with each other ... soon." He hoped Mac understood the euphemism.

His nerves were getting the better of him again, but Harm tried to use a persuasive smile, as he added, "And it would make sense to be married before we, ... you know, ... **_f_**_ervently_ start trying to conceive."

And suddenly, Mac felt offended.

**_"That's_** what this is about? ... **_Fertility_**? ... This is all just your plan to avoid having a child by _fornication_? ... How romantic!"

"You want romance?" At the sound of his own surprised voice, reacting to her unmasked expression of sarcasm and hurt, Harm mentally kicked himself.

Mac looked at him squarely, and there was no mistake that she was miffed.

"Harm, I may be one of the **_F_**_ew_, the Proud, ... but I'm **_also_** a **_female_**, so yes, ... in my **_f_**_antasies_ of being proposed to, it's more than a **_f_**_lippant _remark based on the **_f_**_act_ that we had an agreement _over **four**_ years ago that needs to be **_f_**_ormally_ addressed to **_f_**_lesh_ out the **_f_**_uzzy_ details -"

"This is more than that," Harm insisted. "I didn't say what I did _frivolously_. ... This isn't just about the deal or you making me a _father_. ... Although, I do want that."

"Then what else is this about?"

If Harm had been looking into her eyes at that moment, he would have seen the hope alight there again. But he wasn't.

Staring at a spot on the blanket, he tried to gather his courage to fully lay his heart out before her. "... I have ... _feelings_ for you," he admitted.

_"Feelings_?" she echoed. How vague could he be?

She waited to hear if he was going to expound. When he simply nodded his head, Mac took a _fortifying_ breath and tried to gain control of her _frustration_. She needed a calm, level head.

Rationally, she suggested, "Don't you think we ought to _ferret_ out what those _feelings_ are, before we jump into anything? ... Maybe it's just _feeling_ that you're ready for _fatherhood_. And because of our deal you're ... I don't know ..."

"I think I _am_ ready for fatherhood," Harm conceded. "But ..."

"But **_forcing_** a marriage based on having a child isn't _fair_ to anyone in the _family_," Mac commandeered his sentence. There was no malice in her tone; it was simply a sad observation.

"You don't want to be married?" Harm asked with astonishment.

"Of course I want to be married. ... But, what happens when you meet some ... _floozy -"_

The term stunned him. "_Floozy_?"

She modified her response. "... Some **_f_**_lamboyant_ **_f_**_emale_ that you find attractive. One who is _fascinated_ by you and starts _fawning_ all over -"

"I would be **_faithful_** to you," he insisted, offended that she could think otherwise of him.

That wasn't her intent, and she quickly assured him, "I'm not questioning your _fidelity_ or your honor, Harm. You're a good man." After a pause, she forced herself to ask, "But are you sure you want to completely _forego_ other women?"

His heart sank. "I'm _finished_ playing the _field_, Mac." She clearly didn't understand or didn't want to, and that pained him.

His eyes tore away from her, and his tone became bitter and sad. "But, obviously, I was a **_fool_** to think you wanted to move _forward_ with me. I guess I mistook ... our _friendship_, ... the _flirting_, ... the _five-year-deal_ for something more than it is. I'm sorry; I thought you were interested."

"Can we just slow down here?" She didn't want him running away from her, physically or emotionally. "I **_am_** interested in you, Harm. I always have been."

He risked a glance back at her and found that she was speaking forthrightly.

When she felt confident that he wasn't shutting her out, she continued, "But as long as we're on words beginning with the letter F ... Does **_fraternization_** mean anything to you? If we get married, one of us has to transfer out."

"You were willing to risk that once."

He was met briefly with a confused expression which morphed into disbelief.

"If you're referring to once upon a time, on a _ferry_, then, yeah, I was willing to see what there could be between us, ... to see if marriage would eventually _follow_. And you weren't."

"Well, I am now. But I guess your willingness then was just a _fleeting flight _of_ fancy_."

**_"No_**," Mac protested. "I'm just saying that there are things that need to happen **_first_**. Some transition between _friend_ and _fiance_."

Harm had to admit that when she put it that way, her reaction sounded more promising than he had initially thought. Maybe this wasn't a complete lost cause, after all. He raised an eyebrow and prompted, "_For_ instance?"

Her look indicated how incredulous she was that he had to ask, and her tone matched. "Dating? _Falling_ in love?"


	5. Chapter 5

Harm appeared upset at what Mac considered to be obvious suggestions, and she didn't understand his reaction.

When he didn't speak, Mac verbally nudged him. "Harm? Say something."

After another moment of thought, he quietly began, "As to the _former,_ I know we haven't dated _formally_. But it's not like we don't know each other ..."

With a trace of a grin, she conceded, "I suppose we could _fast-forward_ through the typical getting to know each other stage of a new relationship."

But her smile faded as she seriously pointed out, "But we still need to _find_ out how we would _function_ together as a couple ... We need to see if we ..." She searched for the right words.

_"Fall_ in love?" Harm supplied her words from before.

That wasn't really the phrase she was looking for. She _knew_ she loved him, but she wasn't sure how he _really_ felt about her. And she knew that changing the nature of their relationship would take a lot of adjustments and compromises; she needed to be sure they could handle all of that.

But Harm's summary that the issue was whether or not they would fall in love, more or less, got the point across. If they loved each other enough, they would be able to handle anything.

"Yeah," she reluctantly admitted.

Harm shook his head with disappointment. "If we haven't by now, after all these years, we can't _force_ it to happen."

"What are you saying?" Mac asked with worry in her voice.

"I'm saying that we've been together through _fires _and_ floods_, _felony_ charges and _fugitive_ statuses, _feuds_ and _firefights_, _finding_ the truth about or _facing_ our _fathers ..."_

Getting more dramatic as his frustration grew, he continued, "We've been there for each other through nothing short of **_Faustian_** struggles. We've helped each other to become more **_free_** by learning to embrace _forgiveness _instead of letting things _fester_ and _feed_ our own self-destructive impulses."

With intensity, he stated to her, "You know more _facets_ of my life and my character than any other person on the _face_ of the earth, Mac."

And then he got to the heart of the matter. "Dating won't create, won't _form_ a love that doesn't exist in the _first_ place. We would have _found_ those _feelings_ out by now."

"I don't understand." She was truly baffled. One minute, he's proposing that they wed and the next, he's saying that since they haven't fallen in love by now, after all they've been through together, they never will?"

"You're suggesting we get married without being in love?" Her tone suggested the absurdity of the notion and the despair of hearing how hopeless he thought falling in love with her would be.

She'd be damned if she would let him marry her as some kind of business arrangement, even with the potential for certain _fringe_ benefits like a chance at more kisses similar to the one they had just shared.

It was Harm's turn to be shocked at the very concept, but before he could come up with a response, Mac shook her head and launched into her own fiery speech.

"You know, I've _faced_ marriage ... twice now. Once I went through with it, and once I didn't, but both were **_full-fledged_**_ failures_. ... And if there is _one_ thing I've learned, it's that a marriage needs **_both_** parties to be _fully_ in love with each other for the _fusion_ of their lives to work. ... Or else the marriage just wont _fly_."

She resolutely concluded, "So, if thats the case, ... that you're convinced that our love won't grow, ... then marrying you is out of the question."

She pinned him with a look of conviction as she explained, "... I happen to view _falling_ in love, ... the _forever_ kind of love, ... to be of _foremost_ importance when two people exchange vows and put wedding rings on each others _fingers_."

"So do I." The utterance was one of the most _forlorn_ expressions that ever came from Harm.

He was met with a countenance of confusion from Mac, but his eyes wandered away from her face when, in barely more than a whisper, he added, "I just _figured_ we might have already _fallen_."

Even with Harm's ... qualifying words, Mac was taken aback. Could it be that they actually _were_ on the same page? That he _might_ actually _be in love_ with her too?

--

A/N: By the way, anyone interested in checking out a picture to go along with this story can take a look at my website, which can be found through my profile (and then click on "Teacup's JAG Fan Fiction").


	6. Chapter 6

"Then why haven't you said anything?" Mac asked.

_"... Fear_," Harm admitted.

She couldn't blame him; wasn't that what had held her back too? But she needed to ask, "What are you afraid of?"

For a moment, he was silent.

In those _few_ seconds, while the people around them were absorbed in the sights and sounds of the _fracas_ started by _four_ upcoming high school _freshmen_ engaged in a _fight_ over a _Frisbee_; an incident that involved the _flailing _of limbs and resulted in one boy _fleeing_ across the _field_ with the neon _fuchsia_ disc ...

In those _fleeting_ seconds, a _flood_ of _feeble_ excuses crossed the Commanders mind, but none of them could protect his _fragile_ heart this time.

He had heard her say that their love still had to grow, and that meant that she didnt _already_ love him, ... not the way he wanted, not the way he needed. ... She had come right out and declared that marrying him was 'out of the question,' ... and that hurt.

_"Facing_ your rejection, _for_ one." The honest answer slipped out, and the _fissure_ in his heart slid open more. "And now that I'm getting the experience_ **f**irsthand, _I know I had good reason to keep my lips_ **f**irmly **f**ixed_."

He began distancing himself emotionally and even physically to the extent that he could without actually getting up or fully turning away.

Mac's own heart _faltered_ at witnessing Harms pain, and she was quick to contradict him. "I'm **_not_** rejecting you."

**_"F_**_amous_ last words," he dismissed her response.

Damage was done, but he instinctively began the process of rebuilding the _fortifications_ around that inner-most part of his being. "Look, I thought you loved me too; I was wrong. Lets just **_forget_ **this whole **_f_**_iasco_, okay?"

Mac's jaw had dropped open, but before she could vocalize anything, they were interrupted by a shooting _flare_ in the _form_ of a _four_-year-old boy.

"Uncle Harm! Aunt Mac!"

The tot bounced into his godfather's arms.

"Hey, AJ. What've you been up to?" Harm asked, relieved by the interruption and thankful for the distraction.

"Mommy went to the bathroom, but the lines were long. So, I went with Daddy. And we were waiting for Mommy ... and waiting ... and waiting _for-ever_!!" he stated with exasperation.

It seemed he had forgotten his game, because AJ didn't mention that 'forever' began with the letter F. Neither Harm nor Mac even thought of pointing it out. Harm was still trying to recover from having both his heart and pride _flattened_.

And Mac was still so _fazed_ from Harm's bombshells that she hadn't even registered what AJ had said. The words occupying her mind were not those of her godson.

The phrase echoing in her brain was, 'I thought you loved me too.' Those had been Harm's words. Words that implied that he _loved_ her; ... that it was the _forever_ kind of love, the kind that was right for marriage.

'I thought you loved me too,' continued to resound in her head, followed by his reaction, 'I was wrong.'

No! No, he wasnt! She wanted to tell him that, to make him understand.

But as AJ babbled on about a _festive_ clown who was _following_ people around and putting _frog_ stickers on them, Mac knew that her conversation with Harm was over. Harm would go on not understanding, because the circumstances _forced_ her to keep her _feelings_ to herself again, _folded_ away, as always. And now Harm was shutting her out.

It seemed that the _frustration_ would continue to _float_ inside them both, exacerbating the _familiar_ ache with which _Freud_ would surely have been _fascinated_.

"Hi Daddy!" AJ smiled over Harm's shoulder at his father, who was limping across the grass to join them. "See, I made it to Uncle Harm and Aunt Mac okay," the boy proudly boasted.

"Yes, I see." Bud warned his son though, "Just remember that you could only run ahead like that because you were headed to your godparents, ... who we know we can trust to look after you, **_and_** because I could still see you the whole way before you got to them."

"Yeah, sport," Harm agreed, "we've got to make sure you're on someone's radar at all times." Harm was putting on the best 'everything is normal' _facade_ that he could in front of AJ and his father.

"Speaking of which," Bud timidly began, "I promised Harriet I'd take her to get a glass of cold lemonade from that one restaurant back there. But AJ was anxious to get back out here. Would you mind keeping an eye on him for a little bit?"

"Of course not," Mac answered, _finally focusing_ on the situation at hand. "He's welcome to stay out here with us."

"Thank you, ma'am." He turned to Harm and tacked on, "Sir," to include him in his appreciation.

There was an awkward moment of silence after Mac and Harm politely nodded in acquiescence. Bud felt that something was off. Something in their body language indicated tension. And he noted that they both seemed preoccupied. He expected them to be happier than they appeared.

"Are you sure you don't mind? Because I could take AJ with me ..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bud," Harm admonished him. "We'd love for him to stay with us."

"Okay. Harriet's waiting, so ..."

"Go ahead, Bud," Mac told him with a small smile. The younger man nodded and headed back to meet his wife.

In his seated position, Harm lifted AJ up, causing the boy to laugh with delight.

"Of course I want to spend time with you," Harm told the little guy. "I love you, and you love me too, don't you?"

"Yes!!" said AJ right before Harm lowered him back down to his lap.

"And how could I send away someone who loves me and wants to be with me, huh?"

Feeling that comment was partly directed at her, Mac started mumbling something to herself.

After a few sentences, Harm interrupted. "Mac, if you're talking to us, you might want to try a language that's not _**foreign**_," he stated in a slightly cold tone, but one that could pass for teasing to someone who didn't know better. "We don't speak _**F**rench_ ... or whatever that was."

"When do you understand me when I speak English?" asked Mac, trying to sound joking for AJ's sake. If they were having one of their passive-aggressive arguments, he surely didn't need to know it.

She had noticed that Harm had not dropped the game of words beginning with the letter F, though. So it was only right that she continue to play too, ... and _furthermore_, she had to correct him.

"And that was _**Farsi**_," she stated, "a language that I'm _**f**luent_ in, which sounds nothing like _**F**rench_, a language with which I am only somewhat _**f**amiliar_."

"My mistake," Harm acknowledged. "I'm _**f**allible_, you know. I _**f**oul_ up now and then, especially when it comes to you. ... Very _**f**requently_ in the last ten minutes." It was getting difficult for him to _feign_ a light tone with her.

"Aunt Mac," AJ interrupted. "Will you teach me to talk Farsi?"

She gave the boy a soft smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Maybe someday, ... sure," she stated absently. Her mind was tied up with the older of the two males sharing her blanket.

Meanwhile, Harm, who had reminded himself of Mac's rebuff and was feeling a fresh wave of pain, was overcome with the urge to excuse himself.

"You know, I think I'm going to use the _facilities_ myself. ... Let me up, AJ. You stay here with Aunt Mac, okay?"

"Okay." AJ shifted himself off of Harm and bounced over to Mac, putting his arms around her neck.

Harm stood. "I might take a short walk, _fritter_ around for a bit before coming back. You need anything?" He didn't look at Mac, but the inquiry was directed to her nonetheless.

What a question, she thought. Yes, she needed something. She _needed_ him to understand that he had just blindsided her with his proposal, - if one could call it that. She _needed_ to ascertain his basis for the suggestion of marriage: to find out if he was truly serious about loving her or if this was just an impulse that he had not thought through and didn't really mean.

She _needed_ a lot. But she couldn't tell him _those_ needs at the moment.

So, she shook her head negatively.

"I know," AJ declared as if he had just figured out a secret. "Food!! Aunt Mac always likes food!"

Harm agreed with a small smile, "She does seem to always be _famished_ for edible _fare_."

"I'm actually not all that hungry right now," Mac said. "Plus, we've still got stuff here." She pointed to the cooler.

"Okay," said Harm. "I'll probably be back before Bud and Harriet."

"We'll be right here," Mac told him.

Harm walked off to clear his head, leaving Mac with little AJ.

* * * * * *

"Well, it's just you and me now," she told her charge. "Are you ready for your plum yet?"

"Mmm, okay," AJ decided.

Mac got him settled with his plum and lots of paper towel.

After a few bites, AJ looked up at her. "Aunt Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you and Uncle Harm fighting?"

So much for sparing the kid from the _friction_ between them.

"No, ... not exactly. He and I, ... we just need to talk about some things ... later. ... But Harm and I will be fine. Nothing to worry about." She hoped that was true.

AJ must have accepted that answer because he was quiet for a half-minute, busily eating his fruit.

"Aunt Mac?" he asked for her attention again.

"Yeah?"

"Are you and Uncle Harm gonna have a baby?"

* * * * *

You could have knocked Mac over with a _feather_ at that moment.

After she recovered from the initial shock, she eyed the boy suspiciously and gently prodded, "Did Uncle Harm say something to you about that?"

"No."

She could tell it was a truly innocent answer, so maybe Harm wasn't in as much trouble as she thought he might be. If he had enlisted AJ in some sort of plan to try and manipulate her, there would not have been a rock big enough for the Commander to hide under.

But, if Harm hadn't said anything, what on Earth prompted AJ to ask _that_? She wasn't sure she even wanted to speculate.


	7. Chapter 7

Mac took in a breath, preparing herself for this discussion with her godson. "Then why would you think that Uncle Harm and I would be having a baby?"

"You were kissing," he told her simply.

Oh God. "You saw that?"

She realized that was a stupid question as soon as she uttered it. Of course he saw that or he wouldn't have said anything.

"Uh-huh." AJ took another bite, and, with his mouth full, he recited, "Kishing is somfing people who wuv each ovher do ..." He swallowed and concluded, "... And when a man and woman love each other, they have babies."

Mac's heart rate was elevated as much as if she had just run a mile, but she tried to stay calm and deal with this rationally. ... So, ... AJ must have had his first lesson in the birds and the bees.

Well, with a new child on the way, Harriet must have had to give AJ the abbreviated version of where babies come from.

Great, just great! Now what? And if AJ saw Harm and her kissing, ... did his parents see that too?

Her godson was staring at her inquisitively, and she knew she had to say _something_.

"AJ, there are ... different kinds of love. And sometimes people kiss ... in a way that doesn't mean ... that they're _in love_ ... in the way that people should be before they have a baby together."

"Yeah, Mommy kisses me, and it's not the same as she kisses Daddy."

"That's right." Good, they'd had that discussion.

She just hoped it wasn't a conversation that had just happened today in response to her and Harm being caught kissing. ... Ok, so Harm and she hadn't exactly been sharing a _platonic_ kiss, ... but who knows what Bud or Harriet might have said if they had to explain what AJ had observed.

One way to find out. "... Did, um, ... did your parents see me and Uncle Harm kissing, too?"

AJ shrugged his shoulders. "Mommy was inside in the bathroom. Daddy was outside with me, but I don't know if he was looking."

_"Fabulous_," Mac remarked sarcastically, accompanied with a sigh. On top of everything else, they may well have been witnessed by a junior officer in their chain of command. Even though Bud was their friend, it wasn't going to make the situation any better.

She looked at AJ and noticed a drip of plum juice running down his face. "You're leakin' there, sweetie," Mac told him, using some of the paper towel to wipe him up.

She was hoping to distract him from the current topic. "Here, why don't you hold this towel right up there, so you can catch the drips?"

"Aunt Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't tell me. ... Are you and Uncle Harm gonna have a baby?"

Persistent little guy.

"Your Uncle Harm and I ... don't have that kind of relationship, AJ."

Of course, in light of their last discussion, she really wasn't sure anymore. Maybe she should qualify that answer. "We ... might ... someday, but we still need to figure things out between us."

"What kind of relashhhip?"

"Well, ... it's best if a man and woman are in love, ... married, and living together before having a baby with each other. Harm and I aren't married and we live across town from each other, so ... that would have to change."

"You aren't married?" This was surprising to AJ. True, he had never really thought of them as 'being married,' but had never really thought otherwise either. He had just never considered it before.

But he did regard his aunt and uncle as a set, just like his parents. Parents were supposed to be married, and Uncle Harm and Aunt Mac were his god**_parents_**.

"No, we aren't married." Mac reminded him, "And we have separate apartments; you know that." He had been to their individual places on a variety of occasions.

AJs face twisted with concern, and he put his half-eaten plum down. "If you and Uncle Harm aren't married and don't live together how are you gonna take care of me if something happens to Mommy and Daddy?"

Oh, this wasnt fair. Mac squirmed. Where was Harm? She shouldn't have to be answering these types of questions alone.

No, ... given Harms recent 'proposal' and mood when he left, he may not be entirely objective in coming up with answers that she would approve of.

Better yet, where were AJ's parents? _They_ were the ones who put these ideas in his head in the first place. _She_ had certainly never told him about kissing, and babies, and the fact that Harm and she could get custody of him if something were to happen to his parents.

'Suck it up, Marine,' she told herself. You've dealt with far worse from Chloe, and if you want to be a mother, you need to learn how to deal with these questions.

"AJ, all you need to know ... is that Uncle Harm and I both love you very much and will **_always_** be here for you. ... There is no reason to think that anything is going to happen to your parents though, so I'm sure it will never be an issue."

"What if it does? I'd be all alone ... and the baby ..."

She rubbed his back soothingly. "In the **_very_ _unlikely_** event that something **_were_** to happen to your parents, ... Uncle Harm and I would become your guardians, and we would do whatever it takes to make sure you are well taken care of. Okay? You and the new baby would become our priority, just as if you were our own children."

"You'd be like my new parents?"

"We could never replace your parents, but ... our roles as godparents would become more like regular parents, yes."

"But where would we live?"

"... I don't know, sweetheart. We would work something out though. But I don't want you to worry about this, okay? Your parents are fine, and they love you. You and your little brother, when he's born, are going to be very happy in your own house, and I'm sure your parents are going to be there to take care of you for a **_very_** long time."

AJ nodded, but then he pointed out, "Daddy almost died when his leg came off."

In awe of his abilities to make such logical connections at such a young age, Mac still managed to swiftly counter, "But he survived."

She continued to reassure AJ, explaining, "He stayed alive because your Dad is tough, and he knew he had to come home to you and your Mom. ... Now, are you done with that plum?"

AJ nodded, and Mac got to work on wiping up his mouth and hands. She noticed that his eyelids were getting slightly droopy. After all the physical play with Harm earlier, the heavy questions now, and the fact that he had missed his regular nap, it wasn't surprising that the preschooler was getting sleepy.

"Do you want to lay down for a bit so you'll be all rested up for the fireworks?" Mac suggested. "They'll be starting in a couple of hours, so there's just enough time for a good nap."

AJ didnt want to sleep. There was so much going on, with the variety of local performances throughout the day and all of the people around finding interesting ways of entertaining themselves as they waited. He didn't want to miss anything. And he had more questions.

Fighting the sandman, AJ asked, "Why aren't you and Uncle Harm married? That would make everything more easy."

How was she supposed to answer that? Just this morning, her answer would have been difficult enough, but _now_, Harm had changed the rules.

Well, maybe he had. She still wasn't entirely sure he had thought the idea of marriage through and was committed to it. Her worst fear was that it was merely an impulsive decision that he would regret later.

"Um, ... there are complications, AJ. Like ... Uncle Harm and I can't work together anymore if we get married."

"Oh." AJ yawned. "But Mommy and Daddy work together."

There was that logic of a four-year-old again. So simple.

"Yes, they were lucky to get an exception made. But the situation with me and Harm is a little different. It would be harder with our positions to be allowed to do that. So, ... it would be a choice between being married and being able to work together in the same place."

"So working together is more important than being married?" AJ inquired, trying to make sense of these adults.

Good grief! This kid was forcing her to make a statement that she would be accountable for. How was she supposed to answer him? She had no choice but to do it honestly.

"No, AJ. ... Not if two people are _really_ meant to be together as husband and wife. If they are _truly_ in love, and being married to each other is what they both really want, then _nothing_, not work ... or much of anything else, is more important than them being with each other."

"Why?"

"Because being with the person you've fallen in love with for life is the way it's supposed to be."

Although she considered that statement to be true, even to her own ears it sounded as one of those inadequate, conclusory answers that adults use, akin to 'because I said so.' So she voluntarily tried again.

"Because, if Uncle Harm and I were to get married, ... even though we couldn't officially work together anymore ... we can still each have jobs and accomplish things in our own way. ... I mean, Harm and I have done a lot of good things at work together, ... but, ... two people sharing a _life_ together can ... accomplish ... the **_most_** important things ..."

"Like what?"

Mac was getting in over her head, so she decided to use an answer that was not only true, but also happened to serve as a strategic move - one that she had learned could quiet most anyone: flattery.

"Like how your parents have accomplished the _greatest_ things ever in having _you_ ... and your brother who's going to be born soon. Together, your Mom and Dad love and support you, and they have each other to be strong enough to handle anything you or anyone in your family needs."

AJ settled his head down on his godmother's lap, looking up at her. "Then you and Uncle Harm should get married, 'cause you have to be together in case me and the new baby need you."

"Is that so?" Mac asked with a gentle smile.

AJ nodded. Making his case stronger, he pointed out, "And you can kiss if you're married, but ..." He yawned again, "you already did that."

Mac was sure her face was turning the shade of her red outer shirt that she was ready to put on over her tank top again. But she smiled at the boy. Despite the awkwardness of the conversation, she found that she was feeling much better.

"Go to sleep now," she quietly instructed him, rubbing her fingers soothingly through his hair.

He closed his eyes, but a moment later his pupils shone up at her. "If you and Uncle Harm have a baby, ... and something happens to Mommy and Daddy, ... who's gonna take care of me and Mommy's new baby then?"

Mac caressed the little boy's head with one hand and cradled his side with her other. "Then you would come be with us. Nothing would change, ... except that Harm and I would already be living in one place ... and you would have to act like a big brother to at least one more child. ... You could do that, right?"

AJ managed a sleepy nod.

"Good. Now, go to sleep, and no more worries, okay? Your parents are going to be fine, and Uncle Harm and I, ... we're going to be fine, too."

This time she didn't get a response. He was asleep. Mac was glad his questions had stopped - at least any _new_ questions. Her head and heart were busy enough sorting through the questions he _had_ asked, in addition to the questions resulting from the previous discussion with Harm. She was especially occupied with those areas where the questions overlapped.

But her mood had improved. Talking to AJ had actually given her a new perspective on things, and she realized that, being honest, ... she really did see herself being married to Harm. She wanted a family of her own, and her dreams _always_ included Harm as her husband and the father of her children.

And the thing was ... he had just admitted that he wants those things with her, too. Even if he had not _directly_ said that he loved her, ... could she really let her insecurities fool herself that he didn't?

That kiss that he had given her, ... the one that AJ witnessed, that **_was_** the kind of kiss between people who are '_in love ... _the way that people should be before they have a baby together.'

... So, even though Harm might be upset with her right now, things really weren't so bad. No, today's developments weren't bad at all, she decided.

Although the setting sun made the air blowing against her skin feel chilly, which caused her to put on her extra shirt and to cover little AJ's arms and legs with the light jacket that Harm had left behind, ... on the inside, a warm sensation of love, hope, and determination was spreading throughout Sarah MacKenzie.

--

A/N: Thank you all who have left _**f**eedback_ for me on this story. It is much appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This is a slightly edited version from what I had posted before, and the chapter break at the end here is a bit further in the story as well.

Part 8

Nearing their blanket, he caught sight of her, … and it was a beautiful view. Even from Harm's vantage point from off to the left, behind her, Mac looked positively wonderful as she tenderly stroked the blonde hair of the sleeping boy cuddled against her with his head on her lap.

Remembering something he had told her once, long ago, Harm thought, 'She **_does_** have great maternal instincts,' … and the sight warmed his heart.

The feeling of those soft embers glowing in his chest were so much more welcome than the oppressive, emotional pain that had resided there when he had walked away from her about forty minutes earlier.

When Harm had left, he had been suffering from feelings of rejection. His dreams for a future with Mac had ostensibly been crushed because … she didn't seem to want to marry him; she didn't _seem_ to be as in love with him as he was with her.

But the world was not nearly as hopeless as he had thought when he had parted from her company.

And it took a man named Fred, … and Fred's _fiancée_, to help Harm put things in perspective.

**_Flashback_**

After using the restroom, Harm headed out to walk around the shopping area. As he passed a restaurant, he noted through the window a row of high seats lined up by a counter, behind which were stacks of glasses and shelves of partly-empty bottles. This bar area was desolate at the moment. Yet, one stool in particular beckoned him, and Harm soon found himself seated and ready to order an alcoholic beverage.

Maybe a drink was just what he needed to help take the edge off and to numb his aching heart.

With that decision made, he flagged the bartender.

"What'll you have?" the man asked in what Harm figured was a Jersey or maybe New York accent. The guy was physically on the burly side, but his bearing was pleasant enough.

Harm responded caustically, "What've you got that can erase the past twenty minutes or so?"

"Female problems, huh?" the bartender concluded.

"How'd you know?"

"Are there any other kinds?" the man joked. "… Seriously, … I've been working here long enough to recognize the look on your face."

Harm was trying to figure out a response when the bartender decided to lay out his analysis.

"Let's see, … you've either gotten in one helluva fight with your longtime girl, … an argument that you don't think you two will recover from …"

The man cocked his head as if that would give him a different view of his new patron's problems.

"… **_Or_**," the man decided, "… she's not your girl at all, but you **_want_** to be romantically involved with her. Problem is … when you expressed your desire to move the relationship _forward_ … she gave you the infamous 'I really like you, but I just want to be friends' speech."

Harm wondered if he should have picked a different place … with a less social bartender.

"That last one, man," the restaurant employee emphasized, "… **_that_** one, … I think, is the worst. I mean, the words, 'I just wanna be your friend,' coming from a woman that you've got the hots for are about as good as a dagger to a man's heart." With a snort, he added, "… I've known plenty of guys who would **_gladly_** take death over hearing that phrase from any girl who's gotten under his skin."

The bartender looked at his new patron for some response to his assessment, but Harm wasn't ready to give him one.

Instead, Harm guardedly put the man off, "… I'm not really one to discuss this kind of thing with strangers …" Heck, he wasn't one to discuss his personal problems with friends.

The man extended his hand over the counter. "The name's Fred. … I do this …" He gestured to his surroundings, indicating his tending of the bar. "… for the cash, but when I'm not serving up drinks to those enjoying their free time … or drowning their sorrows … I'm a firefighter. That's who I **_really_** am, you know? Third generation fireman," he stated proudly.

Fred's hand remained outstretched to his latest customer, clearly communicating that he wanted to shake and have the introduction reciprocated.

Although Harm was reluctant, he put his palm to Fred's for a firm handshake. "I'm Harm. … When I'm not enjoying my free time … or drowning my sorrows … I work as an officer in the Navy. … Third generation sailor."

He figured there was no need to identify himself as a lawyer. People never had any sympathy for lawyers. The question then struck Harm: was he looking for sympathy right now? Is that what he was doing here?

"There," Fred brought Harm's focus back as he released his hand. "We're not strangers anymore."

Harm gave the man a small smile in acknowledgment, but he certainly wasn't about to air out all his troubles with the guy.

The bartender sensed his trepidation, "So, you came in for a drink. How strong do ya need it?"

Harm hesitated. "… I better just have a beer. Whatever's on tap."

"Sure thing." Fred took a moment to turn around and fetch a glass.

"So, which one is it?"

"Sorry?" asked Harm for clarification.

"Your female troubles. … Which kind are they? Was it the 'let's just be friends' speech?"

"… Not exactly," Harm admitted.

Mac had said that they were 'just friends,' but … she had not said that she wanted them to stay 'just friends.' Actually, … she had even suggested dating, hadn't she?

… But the mere possibility of dating wasn't enough for Harm.

"I want to marry her."

Whoa! … He had **_not_** meant to blurt **_that_** out just now.

Harm's shock at his own utterance was ignored by the other man.

"And she said no," Fred surmised.

Harm's eyebrows furrowed. Come to think of it, she had **_not_** **_said_** no. But it was kind of implied. Wasn't it?

"She didn't say yes," Harm bitterly insisted.

Fred eventually nodded at that, giving Harm an understanding look. After a moment, he offered, "Maybe she did you a huge favor."

Harm looked at the bartender incredulously, to which Fred replied, "If it isn't love, … you need to cut your losses and move on. Hey, I know that from personal experience."

Fred wasted no time launching into a story. "Look, … when I was kid, fresh outta high school, right, - I met this girl. _Fiona_. The most **_fascinating_** woman I'd ever come across at the time. We dated for awhile, and it wasn't long before I decided … that this was it. You know? I was ready to be grown up and start a family of my own. So, I ask her to marry me, … and what do you think she said?"

"No?" Harm guessed. It was either that or she had said yes and this guy lived through a bad marriage.

"She didn't **_just_** say no. She tells me that being with me had been **_fun_** and all, … but I wasn't the kind of guy she wanted to settle down with. I was training to be a firefighter, you know, and **_firefighters_** … they just don't have the **_financial_** support that she wanted from a _future_ husband."

Harm grimaced at the harsh and shallow response of the woman.

Fred agreed with the reaction. "Yeah, …ouch, right?"

"She sounds pretty superficial," Harm observed. "You're better off without her."

"Yeah, I am. But it makes me angry to this day. … Even though, I should thank her … because I didn't know what love was back then. I was infatuated with her, yeah, but I didn't know what it was _really_ like to love a woman until much later. … Although, even then, … I can tell you, proposing marriage was no walk in the park."

**"**You're married?"

"Engaged. Although, if she'd just said yes the first time I proposed, we could have had our wedding and a kid on the way by now."

"You had to propose more than once?" asked Harm. "… What went wrong the first time?"

Fred cleared his throat and answered, "Let's see, the first time, … I guess you could call it … lack of finesse. Apparently, tossin' out an impromptu proposal while on a fly fishing trip is frowned upon by females."

Harm raised an eyebrow. "She turned you down because she didn't think the proposal was romantic enough?"

"No." This was the voice of woman. "She turned him down because neither one of them had really thought the idea through."

"What was to think about?" Fred shot back at her. "It was like - I was struck that moment when I saw you … fording through the river, … and even though you were frustrated with the fishing, you just … **_fit_** so damned well into that picture."

The bartender put his arm around the lady, pulling her close to him. Fred never took his eyes off of the object of his affection even as he spoke to Harm, "I just knew that this woman, who looked so right … no matter what she was doing, … was the one for me. … I wanted her in my life forever."

"It might have helped if you had said something like that at the time," the woman pointed out, earning her a wry grin.

"You must be the fiancée," Harm noted.

"Against my better judgment, yes," she joked with a wink at the bartender.

Fred beamed back at her. "Hey, you did eventually agree."

She conceded with a shrug, "Eh, you got better with practice."

"… This is Faith, the love of my life," the bartender made the introduction as he finally released the woman.

"Nice to meet you," Harm offered.

"Faith, this is my new buddy, Harm. … He's … in a bit of a funk right now."

"A 'funk?'" Faith repeated. "… Who talks like that?"

"I do," Fred answered with a look that challenged, 'You gotta problem with that?'

Moving on, he explained, "… Harm's feeling down because the woman he wants to marry didn't say yes when he proposed."

Faith looked to Harm sympathetically. "Did she break up with you?"

"… Well, no." Harm squirmed. "We aren't … I mean … We're not in a …" He took in a deep breath and started over, "She can't break up with me, … because we … we're not exactly together now."

Seeking clarification, Faith checked, "You had already broke up?" Before Harm answered, the woman followed up, "Is this one of those 'she broke it off because you wouldn't commit' scenarios? … And then you try to prove you've changed by suddenly doing an about face and proposing?"

"No! I don't have a problem committing." Okay, so some women might disagree with that. Like just about all of his past girlfriends. But that was because they weren't 'the one.'

"… At least not with her," he amended. "… It's just … we were never … technically together, … as in dating. But we've been friends for years."

"You're not dating?" Faith was incredulous. "And you wonder why she turned you down?"

"It's not like it sounds," Harm tried to defend himself. "… We're close. And there's always been … this 'thing' between us."

"Hey, buddy," Fred interjected, "I might 'ave screwed up the proposal a few times, but even **_I_ **know that you've got to date before asking a girl to marry ya."

TBC …


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Some more slight edits to this part, and it extends just a little further in the story than it did before on this site.

**Part 9**

Eager to shift the conversation back onto Fred's follies, Harm asked, "How many times _did_ you have to propose for her to say yes?"

"Five," Faith answered quickly for the bartender.

"You said 'no' _four_ times?" Harm asked her with wide eyes.

Faith had taken a glass and she finished filling it with something from the tap. Harm didn't know what it was, but the froth was foaming over.

Fred chastised her, "You know you're not supposed to be drinkin' during business hours. You're not even supposed to be back here. You tryin' to get me fired?"

"The day Flynn fires someone," Faith laughed, "is the day his favorite mascot drops his little fighting fists."

"Shhh!" Fred admonished her. "Don't let him hear you say nothin' about his favorite football team!"

"'Anything,'" she corrected.

"What?"

"Don't let him hear you say 'anything' about his favorite football team," she recited.

Her fiancé rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Faith sighed deeply. "Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever learn."

Harm was keenly observing the couple's interplay, when the woman finally turned towards him and answered, "Yes, he asked four times that I did not accept his proposal. … But he deserved what he got each time."

"Aw, come on, … you could have gone easier on me," Fred complained. Then he turned to Harm and explained, "Yeah, see, after the fishing trip, I really start thinking and planning. She wants romance, right? So I pull out all the stops. … I plan this fancy dinner, - fettuccini, 'cause it's one of her favorites. … I set the mood at my apartment … flower petals, fragrant candles leading into the bedroom, and in the middle of a floral arrangement on the bed … a stuffed cat with a note pinned to it."

As an aside, he murmured to Harm, "She's got this feline fetish, see."

"It's not a fetish," Faith objected, having had no trouble hearing her fiancé's stage whisper.

"You've got like fifty cat figurines all around your apartment. Sometimes I think you like your furry friends better than me," Fred said to her before turning back to Harm. "So, I figure – use one of them furry creatures she thinks are so cute to help me propose."

"All that wasn't romantic enough for you?" Harm asked the woman.

Faith breathed with exasperation. "There is this common fallacy believed among men, … and a lot of women for that matter, about romance."

Harm cocked an eyebrow with curiosity.

"The scenario that 'Mr. Romance' here described," said Faith, "- that didn't say, 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you.' … It said, 'I want to get you into bed with me.' It was a seduction, not a proposal."

Fred crossed his arms and shook his head. "You tell me, Harm, to be shot down after all that … It hurts a guy's ego."

"I didn't shoot you down. I told you that I didn't think we were ready. Come on, you hadn't shown me that you were really ready to start a life together with me at that point."

"Yeah, … well, … I don't know what was worse from my buddies at the firehouse the next day - them razzing me about striking out … or threatening to tell the chief that I should be fired for being stupid enough to leave candles burning unattended for hours in the process of my big attempt to win her heart."

"Don't even talk to me about your firehouse buddies. They're the ones who helped you with your _next_ proposal plan."

"Hey, after demoralizing a guy like that, you're lucky there was another proposal plan."

After taking a big swig of her drink, Faith leaned against the bar and told Harm, "Don Juan here decided that he needed to make a big show of his love for me."

Fred snorted. "Hey, you seemed to think I had ulterior motives in the private dinner/bedroom scenario, so I figured maybe you'd believe that I was serious if I declared it all in public."

"And some other woman might have appreciated that gesture, … but you should have known that **_I_** think proposals with an audience of strangers are horrible! I would have been upset with that plan even _without_ the following fiasco at the firehouse."

"How was I supposed to know we'd have a four alarm fire when I invited you down there?" Fred's voice rose defensively. "And … you gettin' run over like that was a _total_ _fluke_."

"You ran her over?" Harm asked incredulously.

"No! I mean … **_I _**didn't … directly," Fred's voice quieted with shame. "… It's just the guys were in a hurry, and it was an accident …" he trailed off.

"You're kidding," Harm looked to Faith for confirmation. She shook her head, indicating that they were serious. "Run over with what exactly?" asked Harm.

"I don't want to talk about it," she stated simply. "Let's just say, I ended up with a fractured fibula and was in a cast for _far_ longer than I care to remember."

Fred's head was hanging, and he fiddled with a bar rag. "I feel real guilty about what happened. … I didn't sleep for like … a week after that."

Feeling some compassion for her fiancé, Faith rubbed him on the shoulder. "It was an accident. And, yes, at the time, I didn't ever want to see you again much less marry you, … but I don't really blame you for what happened with my leg."

"I love you, you know that?" checked Fred appreciatively.

"Yeah." The couple's eyes were connected by an invisible string pulling them closer.

"Ahem," Harm cleared his throat, reminding the couple that they were not alone.

TBC …


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I know, it's been **_forever_** since I've updated! But here's the next part.

**Part 10**

Faith took a breath and refocused on chastising her fiancé.

"Well, the leg thing was an accident, but you should have known not to propose to me in public. How many times were we at a baseball game or at a bar when some _**fool**_ gets everyone's attention and asks his girlfriend to marry him? And I would tell you over and over what a terrible thing that was. If the woman doesn't accept there and then, she ends up looking cruel, … and the guy ends up completely embarrassed. And even if the woman wants to say 'yes,' … that should be a private moment. Not something that happens with an audience of strangers."

"I just wanted to prove to you that I was serious," insisted Fred. "When I say somethin' in front of my buddies at the firehouse, … you know I mean it."

"You should mean anything you say to me, regardless of who else is around," Faith insisted.

Harm bristled at her tone, even if Fred did not. "So, fly-fishing, the fettuccini dinner, and the firehouse proposals all failed," Harm recapped, trying to get back to the story and away from any potential quarrels. Directing his next comment to Fred, he stated, "I've got to say – I admire your fortitude."

"Yeah, well, he does get points for trying," Faith agreed. "At least there was no bodily injury the next time."

"Speak for yourself!" Fred disagreed. "I definitely came out worse for the wear."

He started explaining to Harm, "We went to visit her folks on the family farm, see. And I'm trying to bond with her father, right? So, me, being a city guy, I'm going all in tryin' to prove myself. And they've got this filly, who happened to be pregnant and close to giving birth. Well, she goes into labor, and it's just me and Frank, … her dad, out there, 'cause the rest of the family went into town."

Fred's eyes were alight with the memory. "And it was like this _amazing _experience that I went through with her father, and before I knew it, there was this foal. A new life. And it was the first time that I really felt like I shared something with Frank, you know?"

Harm could not help the pang of guilt over not having really shared any fond experiences with the Frank in his life – his step-father. But that was merely a passing thought as his focus returned to the bartender's story.

"So, we're getting ourselves cleaned up in the house," Fred continued. "And I gather up the courage to do the traditional thing and ask Faith's father for her hand in marriage. I honestly don't know that he would have said okay before our little adventure in the barn, but … we bonded out there, so I'm thinkin' I've got a shot at his approval."

Harm noted that Faith shook her head slightly as Fred went on. "After a long moment, her dad starts going on about how I need to take care of her and all that, but he finally gives me permission to marry Faith, and I'm on cloud nine … for about _five_ seconds. That's when I hear the door slam."

Harm's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm not my father's possession," Faith adamantly stated in explanation, "and you two," she told Fred, "had no business discussing what should have been between just you and me."

Fred rolled his eyes and leaned in towards Harm. "She came home, heard us, and went all _feminist _on me," he complained. Straightening up, Fred added, "And then, in my hurry to follow after her, my foot got caught on Fluffy, their _fat_ house cat, and I fell, _**face flat**_ on the floor."

Harm winced. This guy just couldn't seem to catch a break. It was a wonder the two were still together.

Tiring from all of these stories, Faith looked directly at the bar's patron and stated, "Look, the lesson from all of _his_ mistakes," she tilted her head to indicate Fred, "is this: … Think about the woman, … not _**a**_ woman, but _**the**_ woman that you love, … because to love her you have to truly know her. You have to treat her according to who she is, what she believes, and how she operates … as an individual."

Harm considered that for a second. He should know that Mac didn't like to be blindsided. And she was not one to just agree with one of his whimsical ideas. … Well, not usually. There was that impulsive baby deal, which she had inexplicably gone along with. But maybe that was because of the five-year delay that was built in? She had probably figured circumstances would change by then, so she hadn't taken it too seriously when she had agreed.

Normally, though, Mac was a logical person who wasn't afraid to ground him, to make him see reality, even when it meant fighting with him. She was also a person who needed time to process things. Plus, he knew she had her insecurities when it came to men ... at least on some level. That, coupled with all of the issues, his and hers, that had kept them apart all these years, would make it impossible for her to just accept what he was offering. Harm had to admit that he hadn't thought this through.

But something, aside from Mac's lack of agreement to his proposal had upset him, too. He found himself voicing that concern. "She said to give ourselves time to _fall_ in love. But we've been close for seven years. If she hasn't fallen in love with me already … I don't think it's going to happen."

Incredulously, Fred asked, "If you've been close for _**seven**_ _**years**_, then why the _**heck**_ haven't you been dating her?"

"I …" Harm faltered, nervously fingering his still-full glass of beer. "It's complicated. … We work together. And she's my best friend; I didn't want to ruin that. And …" Harm shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know; the timing never seemed right."

"But you love her," Fred stated, wanting confirmation.

"Yes."

"And you don't think she loves you?" the bartender followed up.

Harm shrugged again, this time followed by shaking his head negatively. "She said we needed time to '_fall_ in love.' That means she doesn't already love me, doesn't it?"

"When did you fall in love with her?" Faith interjected, obviously getting ready to make a point.

"I don't know exactly," Harm answered slowly. "Sometimes, I feel like I've always loved her. I was afraid to admit it for a long time."

Faith put her elbows on the counter. "So, let me get this straight: You _finally_ admit that you love her, even though you've _felt_ that way for a lot longer."

Harm shyly nodded in agreement.

At that, Faith continued, "… Well, what makes you think that she doesn't love you, too, but is just as scared to admit it? … Especially since you've never even stepped up and asked her to date you? For all you know, she could be madly in love with you, but, like you, has trouble confessing it."

Before Harm could counter that, Faith added, "Besides, falling in love is not a one shot deal. We can fall in love over and over again with the same person, more all the time, especially as the relationship evolves into something more intimate."

Fred added with enthusiasm, "Yeah, it's like that song." He started to sing, "Oh, I love you more today than yes-ter-day …"

Faith joined him for the rest of the line, "… but not as much as tomorrow."

"Okay, I get it," Harm interrupted, wanting to stop their impromptu show. More people were entering the restaurant, and he didn't want the extra attention.

Faith smiled at Harm's discomfort, but then gave him some advice. "Find out how she feels. Just because she doesn't agree to marry you right now doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. If she does love you, then don't give up. Let her know you're serious, do special things for her to let her know how you feel about her. Let her feel comfortable to express and explore any previously suppressed feelings she may have for you."

"And for the love of _**flippin'**_ flapjacks," exclaimed Fred, "if she's willing, … start dating the woman!"

After sending an odd glance her fiancée's way, Faith agreed, "Absolutely. … And _then_ ask her to marry you again when the time is right."

"And if she doesn't agree that the time is right, but _also_ doesn't tell you to take a hike," the bartender said, "… don't be afraid to ask again. As many times as it takes."

Somewhat curious about how Fred eventually _**did**_ succeed, Harm asked Faith, "What finally made you say yes?"

Instead of answering, Faith merely grinned and looked at her fiancé.

Fred smiled back, but shook his head, still in apparent disbelief at the story of how she accepted his proposal.

He turned to Harm then and told him, "It was funny really … The fifth time I proposed was just … magic. There was no forethought at all. We were just sitting in my Ford Fairlane after going out to eat, and I got kinda flooded with this feeling of how much I love her. So, I told her so. I wasn't even proposing really; I just wanted her to know how I felt. That I wanted to be with her everyday, and I'd wait … _forever_ for her to agree to be my wife … 'cause she's the only one for me."

Looking back at his fiancée and putting his arm around her, Fred finished, "… She told me my wait was over."

Suddenly confused again, Harm asked, "How is that different from the first time you proposed?"

"The difference," Faith stepped in, "was all that had happened in the time between. Being able to feel secure that we have what it takes to make it together, forever." More casually she added, "That and … the fly fishing wasn't my favorite thing, so I wasn't really in the mood for a marriage proposal."

Summing things up for Harm, Faith said, "Look, women just need time to process, need to know that you really love them for the long-haul, and that it's really going to work. There isn't any formula. You can't _forecast_ when she'll be ready, but if you really love her, and she loves you, … then keep reminding her how you feel, what kind of future you're willing to offer her, how special she is to you. Don't overdo it, but every now and then, test out the waters just to see how she feels about getting married. And be patient."

Harm took a moment to process all that he had been told.

Reflecting upon his earlier conversation with Mac now that his emotions had settled some, he realized that … she had _not_ blown him off. In fact, aside from her surprise and concerns about the speed of things, she _had_ seemed interested … More than 'seemed' - She _told_ him that she was interested … in him. He should be elated by that!

There was no mistaking the look in her eyes before he stupidly blurted out a proposal. She had been hoping to start a relationship with him. She wanted that kiss to be the beginning of something for the two of them. Even after his 'proposal,' hadn't she simply suggested that they slow down? That they try dating?

Mac was right about that. Not that Harm thought that dating, per se, was necessary, but they did need some transition time. How was he any better than Brumby, impulsively insisting on a marriage without first establishing a real romantic relationship with her? That thought sickened Harm. Damn it! At least Brumby had made his interest known ahead of time.

And Harm knew that Mac didn't like to be pressured into anything. If nothing else, that one visit to her on the Guadalcanal told him that. Who the heck did he think he was to simply decide that now was the time for him to … claim her? Did he really expect her to go along with his brash, un-thought-out plan? The logical answer was no.

But he had to admit that the actual answer had been yes, he had expected that. Because he wasn't being logical. He loved her, and he wanted to believe that she loved and wanted him, too. He still hoped for those things, but he now knew that expecting her to suddenly declare her love for him and jump into his arms had been selfish and unrealistic.

As far as proposing went, Harm gave himself a big, fat 'F' … for _**failing**_ miserably.

He took in a deep breath and said, "I think I need to go. … I should pick up a few things and head back." Harm took out some money and placed it on the bar. "Thanks for … everything."

"You didn't touch your beer. You don't even want a sip before you go?" asked Fred.

Though Harm had been fingering the glass throughout the discussion, he had never actually gotten around to bringing the glass to his lips. He hadn't even realized, because he had been so wrapped up in his thoughts and the couple's stories.

But, now, Harm thought of Mac. He knew she didn't mind him drinking, but tonight, he didn't want to give her any more reasons to keep her distance, even the faint smell of alcohol on his breath. Besides, he didn't need the alcohol in his system; he was beginning to get high on hope.

"Nope. If you want it," Harm looked at Faith, who had nearly finished her glass already, "go ahead."

As he left, Harm could hear Faith question Fred. "So, … 'For the love of flippin' flapjacks?' Really? Where do you _**find**_ these phrases?"

_**Flashback Finished**_

TBC ...


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11**

Mac sensed his nearness from behind her, and her heart started pumping a bit faster. She had no idea what to expect from him at this point, since he had seemed so upset with her when he left. But she tried to remind herself of the optimism that she had recently found. Whether he had meant to or not, Harm had said that he loved her.

The sun was not quite setting as Harm came around to stand in her line of sight. He was holding a brown paper grocery bag, and Mac was pleasantly surprised to see a gentle expression on his face.

"… Hey," she greeted him softly.

"Hey," he replied equally as tentatively.

Harm eyed both her and their peacefully slumbering godson, but said nothing more. He simply stood there as if unsure of something.

Eventually, just to fill the silence, Mac stated the obvious. "AJ fell asleep. … Not too long after you left."

"Yeah," Harm responded quite simply. "Bud and Harriet not back yet?"

"No. Bud called my cell about ten minutes ago to check in. I think they'll be coming back out pretty soon. He just wants to keep Harriet as comfortable as possible for as long as possible."

Harm had put the bag down on the blanket as Mac had spoke and was now kneeling from having done so. "Makes sense. And it's good that AJ's catching _forty_ winks before tonight's _fireworks_, I guess."

Mac noted that Harm was still emphasizing the letter 'f' at the beginning of words as they had done earlier. That was fine. She could follow suit.

"You must have worn him out with all of the _frolicking_ around you did earlier. Now he's got to recover from his _fatigue_."

"_Frolicking_?" Harm questioned her word choice as he changed positions to be seated next to her. "Men don't frolic." He was trying to keep things light and set a comfortable tone.

"Well, what would you call it?" asked Mac. "You were running around with him – being _frisky_."

At that, Harm made an odd expression to which Mac reacted with a puzzled countenance of her own.

"What?" he asked when he realized she was staring at him.

"Just trying to read your _facial_ expression," she told him.

"Well, it's just that playing with my godson is not how I'd usually think about being _frisky_, that's all," replied Harm with some mischief, though without looking at Mac.

An awkward moment followed, as they both realized they really weren't at the point to be joking around about any kind of sexual innuendo.

With seriousness, Harm offered his answer about how he would describe his playtime with little AJ. "I'd say that AJ and I were just _fooling_ around, having _fun_."

Mac wanted to comment on his use of 'fooling around,' as she was sure that Harm had quite often thought of _that_ phrase in a different context as well, but she bit her tongue.

Instead, she waited a moment and then genuinely noted, "You were gone awhile. I started to wonder … if you'd _forsaken_ us."

"No," he assured her with a look that said he would never do that. "I was just … _fidgety_," he explained. "Ended up going into a _few_ of the places in the shopping center, talking to some people."

"Hmm." Mac, making small talk, asked, "Find anyone _fascinating_?"

Harm didn't want to reveal anything about his chat with Fred and Faith just yet, so instead, he mentioned the odd person he had passed by just a minute ago.

"… Well, there was this one _fellow_ - a street performer, I think. Had a _flamboyant_ and _flashy_ outfit, covered with _frills_ and shiny _fringe_, … and what I think was a big _fin _on his back."

"Was he supposed to be a _fish_?" asked Mac.

"Maybe. The _foul_ odor that he was giving off definitely smelled _fishy_," Harm half joked, scrunching up his nose in remembrance.

Mac really wasn't interested in the strangers Harm had seen, no matter _how strange_ they had been. She was suddenly more intrigued by the bag that Harm had brought with him, especially since it was emitting a sweet aroma.

"Speaking of _fragrances_, but less _fetid_ ones, … what do you have in there?" She indicated the bag that he had brought back with him.

"Oh, uh, … _flowers_ … for you." He reached in the bag and awkwardly lifted out a small bouquet.

"For me?" questioned Mac, in surprise.

In response, Harm handed the petite floral arrangement to her.

She cautiously accepted it, but noted, "… I thought you were _furious _with me when you left."

"Not _furious_ … exactly. Mostly just … _frustrated_ with you."

"But, despite our little _feud_, you went _foraging_ for _flora_ to give me?" Mac asked, a bit confused.

It was obvious that this bouquet had indeed been rummaged through. The petals were bent, and the bow on the red, white, and blue ribbon around the stems was half undone. It certainly looked as though these poor flowers had gone through the wear of having been picked through. Nonetheless, it was a kind gesture.

Trying to make it sound as an observation rather than an accusation, Mac noted, "You're being a bit _fickle_."

She wasn't sure what he wanted from her at the moment. She had expected him to be somewhat antagonistic with her after their last encounter – whether picking up their disagreement or, more likely, just pushing her away.

Harm shrugged. "I may have … leapt to some conclusions earlier … and overreacted," he admitted quietly. "So, I _figure_ we have a _fence_ to _fix_."

Mac wasn't quite sure how to interpret Harm's statement. Which conclusions was he referring to, exactly?

"I know the flowers aren't much," he admitted. "They were an afterthought, really. _**Frankly**_," he said, reaching back into the bag. " … I _figured_ I'd earn more points with this."

From the shopping bag, he produced a pint of ice cream. "You like this _flavor_ don't you?"

"_Fossil fuel_!" Mac's eyes lit up. "One of my _**favorites**_!"

Harm smiled triumphantly. "**Fudge** and **fossils** together – how could it not be?" With his other hand, he held up a spoon. "_Fancy_ having some?" he asked.

Her eyes narrowed at him, but she was grinning. "You know I can't refuse that."

Without moving the sleeping child resting on her lap, she reached over and stuck the stems of the bouquet in the handle of the cooler, making sure the flowers were secure.

Meanwhile, Harm was busy removing the lid from the ice cream. "Like AJ said," he stated with a chuckle, "… Aunt Mac always likes food. Guess I should have known that the way to your heart is through your stomach."

As soon as he had uttered the last phrase, Harm expression changed to one of nervousness. He shouldn't have said anything about trying to win her heart. After their last conversation, that was dangerous territory.

Mac had indeed bristled at the words, but seeing Harm's own nervous reaction, as if worried that she would take the phrase to mean that he was continuing to pressure her, she wasn't about to give him a hard time about it. … Not now, while she was cautiously trying to figure out what his current intentions were. Things were tenuous, but he was being nice to her. No need to rock the boat.

"_**Fork**_ it over!" she insisted, ending his worries.

He sighed with relief and promptly handed the open container and spoon over to her. "I was lucky to have _found_ that," he told her. "The _freezer_ aisle was almost empty in one place, with flavors from _that _particular _franchise_, gone. And another store was having problems with _frost_ build-up …"

He stopped talking when he noticed that she was looking at him with some skepticism. "What?" he asked her.

"You - in the _frozen_ dessert section in more than one store on the same day," she contemplated out loud. "And I'm surprised you didn't get something _fat free_."

"Don't be _facetious_," Harm scolded her. "Just because I like to be healthy."

"I'm not. I like how you consider your _fitness_. I'm just wondering why you went through all that bother for something that normally gets your disapproval?" With spoon midway to her mouth, she paused and cocked her head at him. "… Or are desserts your new strategy for trying to 'turn my world upside down?'"

"No, … I think I'll have to forfeit that challenge … at least for today." He shrugged and softly stated, "You were _frowning_ when I left. I'd rather you _flash_ me that beautiful smile of yours."

"If I didn't know better," Mac said when she swallowed her spoonful, "I'd say you were _flirting_ with me … _flagrantly_."

Harm suddenly became excessively shy and did not respond, not even with a diversion.

This did not go unnoticed by Mac. "You _**are**_ flirting with me," she realized.

"No!" he responded at first, as he thought flirting had a connotation of insincerity or shallowness. "I mean, … yes, … but … I meant what I said. I just thought you should know … that I'm very _**fond**_ of you."

If they weren't playing around with the letter 'f,' she would have thought his word choice odd. As it was, the flowers and the flirting prompted her to ask, "Just so I'm clear, … is this _**friendship**__ fondness_ … or are you trying to romance me, now?"

She did say she wanted romance, after all.

Harm swallowed a lump in his throat, knowing that her question stemmed in large part from his earlier proposal. "I … uh … Listen, about earlier – I'm sorry for springing that on you. I, uh, … realize now that it was something of a _faux pas_ … the way I blurted that out without … you know …"

Mac nodded. She did know. There had been no preface at all.

"I'm not pushing anything," he told her.

She considered her response for a moment, and, since Harm did not seem to have any more words at the moment, she decided that this was a good opening to share her earlier interaction with their godson.

"You know, what really had me _**flabbergasted**_ was little AJ here, after you left. … I thought maybe you planted him with an agenda."

"What do you mean?"

"He wanted to know if you and I are going to have a baby together."

Harm's eyes got wide. "I didn't say _anything_ to him. I swear!"

"I know," Mac assured him. "I see you're as _flummoxed_ as I was."

Now, Harm was just baffled. "I have no idea what would have made him …"

"He saw us kissing," Mac supplied the answer as to where AJ's question had come from.

"What?" exclaimed Harm in disbelief.

"Uh-huh," Mac confirmed.

Harm was stunned.

"You're not going to _faint_ on me, are you?" asked Mac.

She was actually enjoying this. It was nice to see Harm being blind-sided this time – especially since she had now had the time to process all of Little AJ's bombshells.

"Did Bud and Harriet …?" Harm left the implied question hanging.

"He wasn't sure," Mac answered, knowing the question had been the same as hers had been – did they see it, too? "His mom was inside, but Bud was with him."

"So, maybe they won't know," Harm concluded. "Did you make him promise not to tell anyone?"

"We can't ask him to **fib**, Harm."

"It's not _fibbing_; it's simply an omission of _facts_."

"_Familiar_ defense …" she teased. But seriously, she reasoned, "We don't want him to hide things from his parents. Besides – you know the best way to assure that a little kid goes blabbing about something is to tell him that it's a secret."

"So, no _forbidding_ him to say anything, huh?"

"No," she confirmed.

"How about we just _**fasten**_ his mouth shut?" Harm added with some jest.

Mac simply shook her head at Harm's ridiculousness.

After a moment, recalling her conversation with the little boy and considering whether she really wanted to reopen this particular can of worms, she finally stated, "He thinks we should get married."

Harm's eyebrows rose in surprise, but then he found that he liked the idea that AJ was thinking that way. He considered how to respond to that. Should he pretend their last conversation didn't happen, so as not to pressure Mac? Make her think he had not meant his earlier proposal?

No, he would not deny what he wanted with her. He was just not going to force the issue.

As casually sounding as possible, Harm stated, "I always knew he was a smart kid."

Not quite sure how to respond to that, Mac continued to inform Harm about her conversation with AJ.

"He, uh, started making a _fuss_ about if something happens to his parents. Whether you and I would be … really able to take care of him and the new baby. His parents must have told him that we could get custody if something happened to them."

"Guess so," Harm agreed.

"… I'm just glad he didn't completely _flip_ out. Thinking about losing your parents at such a young age?" Then she added, "He knew that his father almost died last year."

"_Formidable_ subject for a kid," Harm agreed. He had not been much older than AJ when he had to deal with losing his own father. But of course, Harm's father had been missing, allowing him an entirely different way of coping, for better or worse, through adulthood.

"It's _frightening_," said Mac, caressing the boy's hair, "that he even has to have such scary thoughts … about the _fatality_ of his parents. I tried to tell him that it is _highly_ unlikely for anything to take his parents away, … but I couldn't guarantee it."

"No, … you can't," Harm agreed, sympathetically.

"I guess he just wanted … security. To know he'd have a place to go. People to take care of him and his brother no matter what _fate_ has in store."

"Kids need adults they can depend on … to be a _fort_ and _foundation_ for them," said Harm. "That's what parents do."

Mac nodded in agreement. It's certainly what parents _should_ do. Not all did, of course. Her own mother, who completely abandoned her, and her drunk, abusive father were a case in point. She had vowed long ago that any children in her life would always be able to trust and depend on her.

"… I told him … that if anything _were_ to happen to his parents, … that, as long as you and I are around, he and his baby brother will always be loved and taken care of."

Harm approved of that answer. "Sounds like you handled everything well. … Letting him know that our _feelings_ for him … won't ever _fade_. That no matter what, we'll be here."

Mac got the sense that Harm wasn't just talking about the two of them being there for AJ … but being there for each other. Maybe it was time for her to address that.

"Harm, when we were … _fighting_ earlier, … do you remember the _final_ thing you flung at me before this _four_ year old _found_ us and _forced_ us to drop the issue?"

She didn't emphasize the word 'flung,' because, even though it was accurate and it began with 'f' she didn't want to be too aggressive or accusatory with Harm at the moment.

He tried to remember, but couldn't. They had said a lot before AJ came back, and with emotions running as high as they had been, he wasn't sure what the very last thing he had said was.

Mac sensed his turmoil, and gently reminded him, "About _forgetting_ everything that we had just said and pretending that it didn't happen, because I 'obviously' don't … have certain _feelings_ for you."

Oh, yeah, that. He remembered now that he had told her to forget everything about his suggestion that they get married, because she obviously didn't love him.

He timidly nodded.

"Well, that was … _flimsy_ investigative work on your part, … because your conclusion about my … _lack_ of _feelings_ was a _false_ statement. In _fact_, … that couldn't be _further_ from the truth."

Their eyes connected, and Harm searched for that truth she spoke of. His heart **fluttered, **as her meaning hit him with the **force **of a **freight train. **All he could think was, 'She loves me?'

It was then that they heard a whimpering noise and both looked down at AJ who was starting to squirm in an agitated manner.

"Must be having a bad dream," Mac concluded, as she tried to sooth the boy with her gentle touch.

"It must be," Harm agreed, "for him to _flounder_ about like that."

After another moment, the boy woke up with a start and began to cry.

TBC …


End file.
